The Dark Side of Self-valuation: Seeking Intrinsic Value from what you cannot control

"I don't like how other people perceive me"-Too often that is heard from a lot of people. It is quite an overwhelming challenge to suit  other people's sieving threshold of what is 'acceptable' or what is to be categorized as the perfect traits. But to be seen to be self-worth and deserving of every respect as a person, the ultimate onus falls on you as an individual to find your value and appraise  our self- worth.

 In my attempt to tackle this topic I will give  the following 4 points to try and avoid if you are to build your self-worth and be the driver of you self-value- give no chance to other people and /or situations to appraise your worth and determine your shelf value!

1. Distinguish Reality from fantasy- it is one thing to dream, and to have realistic dreams. Fantasy and reality have always been distant cousins, therefore see them as such. Embracing fantasy has a dent on your view to been self as self-worth. It is of no use to to self-value yourself  with unrealistic means as a yardstick of whether you match up to other people within your community. 

2. Living another person's life- We live in times of social networks and a much open global village thanks to the power of the internet. An incredible invention and a great tool to catch up with family, colleagues and peers we would have not meet or talked to in ages. But on top of it you see too often people who are living a life that isn't theirs- in short wrapped in fantasy. Why is this the case? Many people have chosen to live another person's borrowed life, this is true not only in the social media realm but even in the day-to-day ordinary life. The self-validation you will get is that which is not only artificial but it results in unnecessary stress to always put up the perfect act to be seen to be self-worth or convince yourself you are worth your imaginary life. Self-value comes from being true to yourself in every aspect of your life. Life is too such being a slave of another person's script; write your own script  and be the  director of its course.

  

3. Stop comparing yourself to others- just like living another person's life avoid comparing yourself to what others have or are in order to convince yourself of your self-worth. Ironically, despite our differences in education, social or economic standing, one thing remains is that we are all gifted and talented in our different and unique ways. Just because you are not as intellectually astute as the next person to you that doesn't mean you cannot not see yourself as self-worth of pursuing your life aspirations.Basing your reasons of not pursuing something as a result of what others have against you is not only suicidal to your conscience but detrimental to your progress. Instead of comparing yourself to others, as a first step you can start challenging yourself against the best. 

4. Avoid hearsay from other people- Never allow hearsay as a basis to self- value your abilities. You can never grow as a person if everybody's opinion became an input in building your self-worth. Just what others perceive you are their opinions/ view and not yours, let it to themselves as such.

There is always  a dark side to finding self-value if you try to let external factor to primarily become the building blocks to self-worth. Inner freedom must be embraced more than the external factors.

How to Overcome Setbacks: Lessons and Principles to be Mastered.

Often as is the situation as human beings we fail once or even a couple of times in the course of life towards our pursuit of our goals. This does not reflect weakness or being unlucky, but as is the case human beings are prone and bound to fail. How this comes about can be attributed to many factors some within the control of an individual and other totally outside the realm of control of that person.

As is the case with almost all setbacks they evoke a sense of doubt over a person's abilities. Ultimately how a person overcomes setbacks becomes the differentiating factor between  those that fail miserably  and those that recover from a faced setback, recovering with a new found impetus and forging forward with unrelenting conviction for future opportunities. This famous adage fits in here perfectly: " A problem only becomes a problem if you see it as one".  Simple as this reads, it highlights one key  aspect  and that which is  'attitude'.The problem itself  may not have  aggravating repercussions or the setback my not be that bad but the attitude taken in looking at such a setback may ultimately  dictate a wrong outlook such setback.

As you read this you may start  to doubt your own strengths, you must be through the rhetoric's of how easy words seem to portray overcoming setbacks. Truth be told it's never easy and neither has ever been easy overcoming setbacks.  Its hard to come to terms  when you miserably fail to attain you desired goals or when the people you had entrusted them to have your  back lamentably leave you to hang. it's heart breaking  when you loose everything you had invested your sweat and tears  at the blow of wind. But over all this the denial or reluctance to forge ahead becomes the ultimate loss. Wayne Gretzky once famously remarked, " you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take".

Below I give (4) points to embrace on your journey overcome setbacks  which personally  I have religious upheld:

I)  Attitude- Your attitude towards setbacks has profound effect whether you become a failure or a resurgent warrior.  A positive  attitude goes a long way in the process of overcoming a setback. A matter of fact it's the first aspect one must address in the process of. Overcoming setbacks. It's only with attitude change that you can make a clearly conscious and the conviction that mediocrity isn't your portion. Failure becomes failure if you decide to see it as one. Always remember there is no such thing as 'failure' but only opportunities to learn. And always remember with life class is always in session, henceforth we are all learning.

Anthony  Robbins said, " you see, in life, lots of people know what to do,but few people actually do what they know. knowing is not enough! You must take action. And the action phase begins attitude change towards how you look at setbacks.

II) Commitment- The change in attitude should be reflected in the commitment you attach to whatever you endeavor to achieve. This should be seen in the tenacity in approaching every challenged faced.

III) Self-belief-  You can only posses unrelenting commitment if you believe in your strengths, skills and capabilities. They is a saying which goes like: "if you believe in yourself and in your talents other things will follow". self-belief is as pertinent as it's essential  a recipe to overcoming setbacks.

IV) Take chances- Never be afraid to take chances. No matter how insurmountable some challenges may seem at face value, possess the self-belief and go for it, Mandela said it best, " it's always impossible until its done". Therefore never discount your abilities before you actually give it a try. You would rather try and fail in your quest to learn something new than not try at all because at the end of the day you will discover skills, strengths you thought you didn't possess.
Never cease to dream!!!!

To be continued....